I have realized something about myself. Without the physical presence of someone around me, I seem to lose all drive to move forward. It appears that I don't even need to be talking with these people for my whole sense of "purpose" to be there. It could be random strangers only seen in my peripheral, a close friend sitting by working on similar work, or even my husband sitting in the next room. Whoever it is, being around people just drives me! I have tried to change this mental state I find myself in when left alone for hours on end, I just don't think I can change something so deep in the fiber of my being. I remember even as a kid, my mom would punish me by sending me to my room. While my other siblings might have thought "Hey, we can sit here and play with our toys!", I would just sit there and sulk "Everyone is downstairs, and I'm all alone!".
It's just that without needing to serve, love on, or mentally share with someone else, my purpose slowly disappears....and so does my motivation.
Since it has only been a couple of days without Dave here, I keep forgetting the huge role he plays in making this "teamwork" of a marriage work. When we go grocery shopping together, we are obviously always able to carry more things home (logically). I didn't quite realize this until I had all the bags in my hand and stood staring at my bike in bewildered confusion. "Hmmm....how am I supposed to carry four bags of groceries when I only have a book bag and a basket on the bike?" Let's just say I used every bit of that bike (handles included) to lug that stuff safely back our apartment.
Don't worry honey.....I'll survive......just with a heck of a lot more appreciation for you :)
