Chinese Woman: "So how do you feed your baby?"
Me: "With my own milk."
Confused Chinese Woman: "And that's it?"
Me: "Yep"
Confused Chinese Woman with advice: "You know, that's not enough for her. You should also give her formula and sugar water so she likes it more."
Me: "Thank you, but my milk is enough for her."
Confused and Persistent Chinese Woman with advice: "Is this your first baby? Have you asked other moms? Are you sure that she will grow to be big and strong with just your milk?"
Patience draining out of me....trying to suppress the judgmental thoughts of "How dare you ask if this is my first baby like I don't know anything? You can only have one child anyway."
Me (taking a deep breath and making my last words short and concise): It's enough. (In Chinese this phrase is said "Gou le" pronounced like Go luh).
In these moments that could easily turn into a sinful how-dare-they-impose-on-me attitude, I bite my tongue and ask for the plank to be taken out of my eye. A huge prideful log to swallow...ugh. As I ranted to God about just how many times I have to go around saying "Gou le, Gou le, GOU LE" to all these Chinese women, he stopped me dead in the middle of my grumbling.
Lauren....do you know how many times I say GOU LE to you? Except my words are not just enough, but I AM ENOUGH. That conversation you frequently have with women here is one that I have had with you quite often. How frequently do you doubt that I am enough for you?
When you are anxious, do you rest in the truth that my peace is ENOUGH?
When you feel inadequate, do you believe my value and love for you is ENOUGH?
When people fail you, do you allow my legacy of faithfulness to be ENOUGH?
When you are weak, do you trust that my grace is sufficient for you and more than ENOUGH?
I am the bread of life, whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst (John 6:35). I satisfy the longing soul and the hungry soul I fill with good things (Psalm 106:32). My divine power has granted you all things that pertain to life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3).
For centuries, my beloved children failed to trust that I am ENOUGH. My dear child, do not take this path. Even the Israelites wandering in the desert for 40 years failed to appreciate my provision when I sent them bread from Heaven. I told them to take enough each day until they were full and satisfied and to not worry about taking any for the next day because I would provide, but they did not listen. Yet I am a God of love and continued to provide them with my "mystery manna" that was sweet to their lips and filling to their stomachs for the next 40 years. I have enough to offer you so you may be filled to overflowing with each passing day. Enough to even add a sweet taste of joy as your abundant life lingers on.
Trust me, sweet one. Every time you are questioned if your milk is enough for your child, may you think of how many times I get questioned if my love is enough for my children. Just like you cling to your own mothering truths, cling to Mine.
So now my own short remarks of "Gou le" no longer have the same prideful joy when being uttered. For all I can hear now is my Father saying them to me: "Gou le, my child. Gou le."
"My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips."
(Psalm 63:5)
