She Knows Me

You know when you finish a good book and the ending was so powerful that you are left closing it and just staring off in the distance for a while taking it all in, replaying the plot, the characters, and the connections in your head?  Yeah, that's what it's been like lately with God.  I end up closing my bible or journal in the same way and just daze out...head swarming...letting out big sighs, smiling at connections he has lead me to, and reopening to pages and verses I didn't notice before.  It's lately been so overwhelming that I hesitate a little bit even opening up my journal because I don't know if I'm ready to go on another page flipping, internet searching, concordance looking, journal writing adventure again.  They have all just been a bit intense for my liking...a good intense, but intense all the same.  To be honest, I never fully understood what the impact of his revelation would be like when I wholeheartedly spoke the words "I'm ready to hear from you."  I feel like I have spoken these words before, but maybe my heart didn't truly mean it then, or he wasn't ready to share with me yet.  But he's sharing, and boy this little feeble mind of mine has just about imploded.  He is all just SO good I can't seem to take it in fast enough.  Fire hydrant spray of goodness over here!

There are literally four or five other blog posts that I desire to share and post, but I'll have to just take it slow since my mind is exhausted with each reflection.  Yet for the sake of acknowledging his goodness even for myself, I will continue to write.

The shrill screams of our our daughter reach the corners of our small apartment and the parental deep breaths begin.  We both glance at each other, take a sloooow deep breath and exhale "Nora, calm down...breathe...we're right here."  The screaming slows down to a steady cry.  We take another deep breath in and this time exhale "What's wrong, baby girl? as we rub her back.  Her cry is now just a steady whimper.  I then pick her up against my chest and......a sigh with a few sniffles.  With wide eyes we both shoot looks at each other like a miracle just happened before our eyes.  Seriously?!?  That was it?  She just wanted to be held? And then Dave said the words that still linger in my head...She knows it's you.

She knows it's me. 

She knows my voice enough to transform her screaming to a cry.

She knows my touch enough to change her crying to whimpers.

She knows my smell enough to calm down to a few sniffles.  

She knows me enough to trust she can be still and feel peace in my presence.

Jesus, thank you letting me experience this undeserving gift!

But of course, usually in the moments that I am acknowledging his goodness He decides to use that as the perfect "teachable moment" for me.  It's almost as if my He is like "Oh yeah, you noticed my gift?  Well let's just sit there for a while...have you thought of it like this?"  

Many times it is easy for us to see God as our Refuge, Strength, Healer, and other awesome titles.  Yet how many times do we truly approach him as Father?  I feel that we all know that as one of his many names, but do we really treat him like that?  Do we metaphorically climb in his lap? Do we allow ourselves to be quieted by his soothing words?  Do we even feel that His presence is one that we can rest and feel comforted by?  

I know for myself, I enjoy wallowing in my own self-pity sometimes.  Whether we like it or not, sometimes there is a bit of comfort in listening to ourselves whimper and pout over things in this life.  While many of us ashamedly find joy in spreading our misery to everyone around, some of us actually desire to have our souls comforted.  So for what it's worth...let's all stop the pity party and climb in His lap.  He wants to turn your screaming to crying, your crying to whimpers, and your whimpers to deep breaths of peace.  Breathe in...breathe out...He's right there.  Breathe in...breathe out...He isn't leaving.  Recognize his voice for he wants to lead you in His truth, speak love over you and delight in you.  Know his touch, for he will carry you through the darkness.  Be familiar with His smell, for his presence surrounds you when you feel you're alone.  Remember His words so you can distinguish the lies around you.  Look up to Him and marvel at how amazing he is.  To feel his peace and rest in his arms, you need to KNOW him.  

 I want to know you, I want to hear your voice.

I want to know you more.

I want to touch you, I want to see your face.

I want to know you more.