I’m clearing the stage and signing off of Facebook for a bit.
This in no way requires some grand announcement to the public arena, but since I post so frequently I thought I would share my heart before checking out.
Ever since Nora was born, social media has become this beautiful medium to keep in touch with family members, reconnect with old friends, encourage other moms, and share small moment blessings. I feel like any sort of fishbowl setting, in this case Facebook, has it’s pros and cons and for two years I’ve been riding out the pros. The friends that I’ve made, inspiration gained, and then some, have benefited my life in so many ways.
But right now I need a bit of retreat. Like a snowed in cabin all tucked away in the woods. For whatever it’s worth, I’d like to go backwards a bit to where my life was quieter. Where I had to work harder at keeping in touch. Where I would be challenged to be more intentional in a snail mail sort of way. To journey through motherhood for a season relying solely on the affirmation and assurance of the Lord instead of the watching world.
I want to put to test my own heart. What is it really made up of? What’s left after I take away the outside approval, the constant stimulation of other people’s lives, and the time spent maintaining those two things? If I’m still the exact same person, then awesome. But if there is anyway that this has slowly “impaired the tenderness of my conscience”, I want to know.
“Whatever weakens reason, impairs the tenderness of your conscience, obscures your sense of God, increases the authority of your body over your mind, takes away your relish for spiritual things, THAT to you is sin no matter how innocent it is in itself.” - Susanna Wesley
So I’m taking a retreat. Drawing a SMALLER circle. Going deeper with those I already have a close relationship with. If you want to keep talking, let’s make it richer and hash out life in an email (levans@syischina.com), or let’s chat on Skype (laurenevans09)/facetime, or send me your address and I’ll snail mail you a picture of the girlies with a pen pal message (my address is: Shenyang International School, 160 Quan Yun San Road, Hunnan New District, Shenyang, Liaoning 110167, CHINA).
I’ll leave you with the lyrics of a song I keep coming back to over and over again. Jeremy Needham’s song “Clear the Stage” couldn’t speak to my heart more. Maybe it can help speak to your heart too, since this is the season of Lent. Find your own personal way to “sit at home alone and wait for God to whisper” to you. The focus is not about fasting, but instead "shoving back all your wishes and hopes for the day that rush at you like wild animals..listening to that other voice, taking that other point of view, letting that other larger, stronger, quieter life come flowing in. And so on, all day. Standing back from all your natural fussings and frettings; coming in out of the wind." (C.S. Lewis)
Be blessed friends, and I’ll see you in a bit!
Tell your friends that this is where the party ends,
until you’re broken for your sins you can’t be social.
Then seek the Lord and wait for what he has in store,
and know that great is your reward so just be hopeful.
Cause you can sing all you want to
and still get it wrong.
Cause worship is more than a song.
Take a break from all the plans that you have made
and sit at home alone and wait for God to whisper.
Beg him please to open up his mouth and speak
and pray for real upon your knees until they blister.
Shine a light on all the corners of your life
until the pride and lust and lies are in the open.
Then read the word and put to test the things you’ve heard
Until your heart and soul are stirred and rocked and broken.
We must not worship something that’s not even worth it.
Clear the stage. Make some space for the one who deserves it.
Anything I put before my God is an idol.
Anything I want with all my heart is an idol.
Anything I can’t stop thinking of is an idol.
Anything that I give all my love is an idol.
