Adult Baby

Now passing the 4 year mark of living in a foreign country, I often find myself in humbling and vulnerable conversations.  Those conversations where I am somehow revealing to taxi drivers, market vendors or anyone else I come in contact with how long I have actually been here.  It is at that moment they get excited, talk faster, and use more verbiage than my low Chinese ability brain can handle.  "Oh boy...since I told them I've been here for 4 years, they are assuming my level of Chinese is this up to par" I think to myself.  Oh how I wish I could have just said I arrived last month and impress them with my exponential Chinese growth.

If and when they seem confused at why I really don't understand them, I tend to have a ready phrase like "Oh well I only have lessons for 2 hours a week" or "I know, I really just need to practice more."  Something....ANYTHING to not make me feel/look stupid.  I'm grabbing at any quick phrase I know!  To my English speaking friends here, I describe it like this: "After I was here for two years and new the basics to the language where I could get around 'enough', my language abilities just plateaued...and now here I am, still cruising at the level I was two years ago."

This morning I was reading in Hebrews and came across this verse:

"About this we have much to say, and it is hard to explain, since you have become dull of hearing.  For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you again the basic principles of the oracles of God.  You need milk, not solid food, for everyone who lives on milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, since he is a child.  But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil."

Hebrews 5:11-14

Oh how learning a language can so relate with this verse!  Just by my mere existence in China doesn't lend to awesome language abilities and "mature conversation" and neither does my existence as a believer lend to deep spiritual understanding.  By this time I ought to be speaking Chinese beyond the basics, but I am still unskilled and need to be given the proverbial "milk" when I have lessons.  I haven't trained with constant practice or pursued to learn more like I should have.  What I clearly grasp and understand about my language maturity causes me to examine my own heart in terms of spiritual maturity.

Should I "ought" to be somewhere else in my understanding of Him?

Have I plateaued at just being content with MILK when I could have the MEAT of His word?

Would God see me as a mature adult or an adult baby?

Am I trained by constant practice at distinguishing good from evil?

"Search me Oh God, and know my heart!  Try me and know my thoughts!" (Psalm 139:23)  May I strive after MORE of you and never plateau with just enough.

Good thing my milk is ENOUGH for her now...but not forever.