Just One Word

"FORGET NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS: JUST CHOOSE ONE WORD"

When I saw that a friend of mine had decided to take the 365 One word challenge, I felt inspired.  I instantly found myself brainstorming for one word that could sum up how I need to change, what I can work on, or what I can strive for.  Words like surrender, grace, and joy were the first ones that captured my attention.  As I let my mind ponder all through the day, it wasn't till I was fast in my REM cycle that night when it came to me.

WAIT 

Well...at least I was granted 6ish hours of shut eye cause there was no sleep to be had after that thought.  I lay there staring into the darkness as if the silence was going to clarify things for me.  WAIT?  What kind of word is that?  Maybe patience would be better...that's kind of like WAIT.  But no, I couldn't shake this particular word.  

I went back to the website http://velvetashes.com/my-lovehate-relationship-with-risk/ just to read on about this challenge, and saw that she noted "if [your word] doesn't scare you at least a little bit, it's probably not the right word."

You see, that word DID scare me....and not just a little bit.  While I would love to say I exude patience and excel at waiting on people or for things to happen, I'll just set the record straight right now.  I've never been very good at waiting...and it's embarrassingly immature.  When I'm walking behind someone slow in a crowded hallway, I'm quickly looking for a way to maneuver around them.  If I'm talking to someone and the wait time for their response goes beyond 5 seconds, I find myself repeating or altering my original question.  When we're heading out the door, I'm the one who is all bundled up resisting to tap my impatient foot while the other....ahem...person...is getting his things together.  The word WAIT is almost laughable to me as something to meditate on for a whole year!  Oh the things to learn!

Yet as I spent just one single day meditating on what this word encompasses, I found myself even more confident that this was in fact the perfect word for me.  Looking through my journal with all of my written insecurities and things repented in the year of 2013, I noted a few patterns.  I wanted a word that would help to conquer those sins that keep coming up like a dog returning to its vomit.  The sins that don't seem that bad, but actually destroy the very character God is molding.  The damage of no restraint or trust seemed to be a kiln to my clay like heart.  They held me fast, and left me hard...impenetrable...difficult to change.

As I scurried around at a pace that only seems logical for someone in an absolute rush, I missed the precious moments in the SLOW.  For in the stillness of the slow waiting and pauses of life, true beauty illuminates.  So for 2014 I'm setting my mind to the word wait.

I long to wait before speaking to make sure my hurtful words are restrained.  In time,  His peace and love will extinguish my flaming offensive darts.

I strive to wait and hear the whole side to a story before letting my mind race with judgement.

I crave to wait for food to cook all the way through that seems like its been in the oven forever! (true story...)

I want to wait and embrace each developmental stage of my precious daughter without always longing for the next.

I hope to wait patiently with poise for taxi's in the freezing cold without losing my cool.

I desire to wait for God's timing so I can reap his "soar like eagles" kind of rest.

I purpose to wait for stubborn, unpredictable and/or blocked internet speeds realizing that it is not...the...end...of the world.

My heart groans to wait for dear  loved ones and their hearts to change.  Although I realize He has more business with my own heart and that's probably why I don't recognize what he is doing with everyone else. Hmmm...

So yeah.  I'm spending 2014 to sit...soak...simmer...and marinate in this word.  Hopefully as I ahem...wait for this word to infuse my heart, I will see the beauty that was once a blur in all of my rushing.  For I don't want to miss the beauty of things that go slow - children developing, rush hour traffic, internet speeds, an eternity of winter, lasagna cooking, flowers growing, hearts being transformed, my own stubborn heart awakened.

Although this year I'm learning to wait, may I discover ways to productively wait.  I don't want to just spend my time waiting like a crazy person (counting, tapping my feet, or sighing).  Maybe I can come up with things like scripture to quote, songs to hum, making invisible lists of gratitude in my head, or praying for people.  

It's one thing to wait.  It's another thing entirely to wait well.  May I honor Him in the waiting.