Set free to live free

Ugh.  I just finished the most intriguing, heartbreaking, confusing, aggravating, and exhausting memoir I've every laid my eyes on.  It's right up there with Frank McCourt's Angela's Ashes as Jeannette Walls takes you on the journey through her intriguingly dysfunctional childhood.  

As a new mother, I was warned when borrowing this book that at some points I would want to throw it across the room.  And yes...this dear friend was right.  Oddly enough, what made my heart burst the most was not the moments of neglect, the father's drunken rages, or even how many times their family just picked up and moved for the heck of it.  Out of all the deep sadness, what I couldn't seem to fathom was how many times something that could rescue them out of poverty, starvation, or eviction was simply wasted....over, and over and over again.

A 2 carat diamond ring that could have put food on the table was hoarded away so that the mother could just sit and marvel at it's beauty.

An entire paycheck spent on beer and cigarettes while the children were left home eating butter, the only thing left in the fridge.

A million dollar property just sitting there unused or sold while the owners wasted away in a shack with no indoor plumbing.

Even at the end of the book when the children grew up and had flourishing lives of their own, the parents chose to remain in the same neighborhood but homeless.

It was in these moments that I wanted to throw the book and scream out "LOOK WHAT YOU COULD HAVE, AND YOU'RE WASTING IT!"  

(Deep breath)...Lauren...take the plank out of your eye.  

Right.  These were not fictional characters that I was judging.  This was a memoir for crying out loud.  A real story.  These were real people.  When desiring to seek holiness, condescending thoughts like this will get you nowhere.  

If God were in a sense reading my life story would he want to throw the book down and yell out "LOOK AT WHAT I HAVE GIVEN YOU, AND YOU'RE WASTING IT!"?  Well, of course I can't picture him yelling at me like that, but it's worth a mental picture to wake me up.  Over and over and over again I forget that I was set free to live free.  How many times am I just like Jeannette's parents choosing to live in poverty while they have a million dollar property to sell? 

I am EXACTLY like them when I refuse Christ's grace and instead choose to struggle with the same sin issues over and over and over again.

I am EXACTLY like them when I even entertain the thought that my life before Christ's saving power was better than striving for holiness.

I am EXACTLY like them when I am offered a life free from guilt, shame or fear, and willingly choose to carry the baggage of anxiety instead.

I am EXACTLY like them when Christ offers me supernatural peace and I hoard it away for another day instead of resting in it right then.

Even though these parents seemed so dysfunctional, selfish, and crazy as I was reading, I am now so humbled that Christ looks at me the same.  I am just as dysfunctional, selfish and crazy when I don't live in the FULLNESS of Christ.  Thank goodness that he doesn't just "throw the book down" as he watches me squander away the goodness He offers me daily, and instead showers me with MORE grace...over, and over, and over again.  

For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.

-Galatians 5:1